Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bring money and cleavage
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
