hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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