forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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