"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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