we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
