Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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