He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
