He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
babies were throwing up all over the place
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had sex on a roof
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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