She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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