when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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