Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
