Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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