4 words: hood of his car
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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