Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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