So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
