I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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