the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
