im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
