i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
