i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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