Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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