why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
