So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
