Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
