i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
