Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
