The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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