I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
