Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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