I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
