Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
