whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
