also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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