Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
