The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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