Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
