How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
