I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
