i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
