i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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