I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
