and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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