So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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