Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
