It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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