Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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