Already got asked if we're dating
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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