i barfeds in our rink
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
