not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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