It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
