you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
