Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
