This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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