I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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