i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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