but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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