Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
