i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
