rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
