They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
