I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
