Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
