ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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