Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
