She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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