census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
