We're facebook friends in real life
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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