I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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