my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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