Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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