someone threw a dead crab at me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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