I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
