Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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