I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
