U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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