Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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